I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
