dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
