you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
