i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My ass is underappreciated
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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