Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
