No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You made out with two different species that night
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
