Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
