before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
