Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Duck Duck Cougar?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
