I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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