how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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