He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
