Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
