don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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