i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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