If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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