yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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