oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
