bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
