i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
