Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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