I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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