Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
