last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
