I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i think i just lost a toe
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Two words: nipple clamps
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