By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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