So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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