i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What did we do last night that was yellow?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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