am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
