first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
