just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
