I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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