What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
