After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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