Me. At least after what I've been through.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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