she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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