He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
