I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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