I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
