youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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