i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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