Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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