I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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