my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
