they need to just BURY HIM!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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