with your own penis?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
