Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
