I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
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