i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
