is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
