I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
