I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
